There are so many things I want to say. So many things I should've done. I want to let these go- remain in the future- take it slow. And yet. And yet I still can't wrap my head around it. The "it" largely standing in for that which is my life. I'm not stuck in a rut. But I don't seem to be moving either. Where is my life taking me? There's another thing! My life is always dragging me by the heels! When did I lose the steering wheel? (A long time ago, it seems)
So many others seem to be running laps around me. Why can't I? Am I forever doomed to be cemented to the treadmill of life? HA! There's a sorry slice of melodrama for you!
Why is it that I must always be following someone, and not something?
(This is the part of the movie where the life-lost leading character at least is able to confide in and rely upon his or her group of near and dear friends they've had since high school or earlier.) But that's just another cruel twist for me. I've never had that, nor will I ever (or so I suspect). I think I am forever bound to a life that finds solace in only a friend or two here and there- neither of whom are guaranteed for very long. Is there something wrong with me that this happens? Am I so unlikeable? Distrustful? Excessive?
Perhaps. I don't know anymore. I can't commit to anything. Maybe it's me.
I wish I knew.
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