Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A Classic Fairytale...


Once upon a time, there was an EVIL vampiress who ruled the land. Her presence was a plague upon the entire kingdom. She struck fear into the hearts of all who beheld her, and with good reason too! She had the appearance of a Napoleonic witch: the bristly black hair of a chimp, the beady eyes of a rat, and the mouth of a baying horse- with two shiny yellow fangs slicing down either side of her gums. Her favorite pastime was using those terrible teeth to sink into all the men she could find, which would then turn them into her undead prisoners. For LIFE!

...That is, for undead...life? Or something along those lines...
AHEM. Back to the story.

One night, a magical turtle came crawling into the vampiress's lair. Now, it was a known fact throughout the kingdom that the vampiress hated all animals (with the exception of bats... and hummingbirds, oddly enough...)
...So it was no surprise that, as soon as she spotted this lumbering creature, she was instantly annoyed with it, and, swooping down upon its seemingly helpless little body, she snatched up the unsuspecting turtle and instinctively bit down hard into its shell.

CRRRRRRAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK! went the two sharp fangs of Abelina Vampiress! The fangs fell from her stunned mouth and landed lightly (PLINK! PLINK! PLIIIIINKKKKK!) on the stone floor of the vampiress's underground fortress. The magical turtle (ahhh, you forgot she was magical, didn't you?) was not surprised by any of this at all, and she easily hoisted herself up from the cold fortress floor and crawled slowly to the stairs.

"FREEZE, YOU DISGUSTING CREATURE!!!!!!!!!" cried the vampiress in a wicked rage, for she knew that without her fangs, all the power she ever had would soon drain from her forever. She flew at the turtle, and drawing on the last bit of dark magic she could muster, tried to use her poisoned nails to scratch out the turtle's eyes.

Suddenly, a blue dust cloud began whirling around the two enemies. It thrust them apart, and in the blink of an eye, the turtle was transformed into a beautiful enchantress.

Walking over to the speechless vampiress, the enchantress, clad in shimmering blue and golden silk, began to chastise the evil she-creature, saying "Whomsoever has power over men shall use their power only for good. You have violated these laws of our land, and for that, you shall be punished. Your powers have all but left you now, and you are doomed to live out the rest of your... NON-eternal life as... a CAMEL!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the vampiress screeched, but it was too late. At that very moment, her back arched into two caramel-colored humps, and in another moment, all that was left of the once-mighty vampiress were two shiny yellow fangs lying on the floor.

"Come, pack animal. You shall now live to serve others," ordered the enchantress, as she led the creature away. "MAHHHHHHHHHHHHH-UHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Abelina the now-camel moaned in reluctant obedience. Once Abelina was put to work, the enchantress freed all the men under Abelina's undead curse (which also happened to include the enchantress's own lover, the gentle Sir Roderick of Haliburton).

Never again was the kingdom tormented by this darkness. And as most stories like this often do, everyone lived happily ever after. Well, almost everyone...

"MAHHHHHHHHHHHH-UHHHHHHHHHH!"

;)

The End.

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