What’s My Age Again? (aka Chapter 23)
Today I discovered something. That is, that I am going nowhere… really REALLY fast. Like beam-me-up-Scottie, ultimate-antithesis-of-the-Comcast-tortoises-commercial, lightning-shooting-out-your-fingertips (“Woah woah woah! Where did all this lightning come from and why is it shooting out my fingertips??”) … fast.
Speaking of high-speed internet, we have none so far. I was under the unique impression my family was finally stepping into the 90s today by having wireless internet installed in the house. Not so. Though I can say the parents made a concerted effort to do just that. We called to have the internet installed and a nice man from AT&Total Nincompoop came over to assist us this morning. As it just so happens to turn out, our house apparently has some sort of “airborne allergy” to the new intruder (we’ll call it INTERNET). We had this explained to us by the learned technicians (who spent hours fiddling around in their big white trucks or stomping around the yard looking important) as a “weird splicing in the cable-thingy that’s supposedta connect you guyses house to duh net.” Bloody brilliant. I knew it was too good to be true. It figures. My entire house is rebelling against technology. “C’mon, House. This’ll be nice and easy. Just let the cable do the work and we’ll pretend it’s just another phone line… What’s that, House? …You don’t have a working phone line anymore? Mother had it cut off months ago? [rumples in defeat, Kermit the Frog-style]
…I’m at a loss. But I shoulda known SHE’D be in on it too. [sigh] OHHH THE HUMANITY!
…Even so, House. Let’s make a deal! You OK the internet, and in return, we’ll give you… LOVE! :D
…Hmm. No dice, eh? Heard that one before, I assume? …Damn… Alright. How about… a remodeled bathroom and some new paint? …DAMN! I thought I had it hook-line-and sinker there. OK. What DO you want? … [GASP!] …But!…I!…Oh alright. Deal.
…What? You were expecting me to tell you the intimate details of the deal between me and my house? Get outta here! Just trust me. Within a week, we’ll have the internet at long last. Mark my words.
(Damn, she drives a hard bargain…) :P
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