Chapter 11- Still December 2009ish

For a brief instance, I see my life passing before my eyes like glass through an accident victim. Then again, it’s only my phone. I swear I live and die by that stupid, cracked, old thing. I jump when I get a text message. No, literally. In the air. Michael Jordan-style. (And no, that expression will NEVER go out. I don’t care if Michael Jordan is now old and fat. He was and always will be a legend of the 90s I knew and loved. So there.) I just can’t seem to get past this dying desire to have a social network. And right now, living at home, my phone’s about the only thing I have to link me to anyyyone outside of these sleepy suburbs. And close to my age, for crying out loud. Ugh. I need to get outta here. Like Jason Bateman needed to get away from his crazy development. Or arrested family. Whatever. **sigh** …Another thing. I hate that I have to type actions in double stars. Did you know that? Apparently Microsoft Word automatically bolds something you put in stars. This was something I was unused to. In texting, I use this coy little device fairly often to express my emotions, like “How are you, honey? **snuggle**” and so on. And I’ve never experienced any weird hitches like that til now. Huh. **sits back in arrogant frustration and contempt** …Stupid Dell. How dare you ruin my cyber-actions fun. Though I’m sure if I was a computer whiz I’d figure out how to turn that little automatic switcheroo to Off. But, as I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, I’m no computer whiz. I’m not a whiz period. Whizzes are for wusses. So there.

I love my ingenious lame-ness. It suits me, don’t you think?

Sheesh. What an ego…